My Story

I wrote most of this in a message to one of my friends that asked to know more about me...and decided to post it on my blog.

I have led a very full life with tons of experiences and adventures. I grew up with semi 'hippy' parents on one side and a 'executive' father on the other. No abuse, as a child, except maybe neglect and encouraged to drink, and smoke marijuana. I was a very shy, quiet child, and spent a lot of time alone. I was not raised with any religion, and minimal moral foundation. My parents were wrapped up in their own lives of resisting most forms of structure, expressing 'free love', getting high, and the 'open marriages' of the 70's. Except my Dad who was an executive at Boeing. He came across as a cold, highly intellectually intelligent person, yet every other weekend he would take us to do stuff; skiing, kayaking, scuba diving, camping. We went on so many adventures with him. Yet, I could never 'talk' to him, and used to joke about him being like Spock on Star Trek (not to him of course). The adventures were great, but he never taught me anything about 'right or wrong'.

Somehow I survived the drugs and alcohol (I assume my real Dad didn't know about), but I got married at 16 and divorced at 19, then went crazy with men. I didn't understand that I could say 'no', and I had a terrible need to be loved by a man, so it led me down a path of destruction. I was raped, conned, lived in my car, had 5 abortions, and was contemplating suicide, after being choked by an abusively insane boyfriend. I called a hot line and got some help. I started to learn from my counselor my 'rights' as a human being. By the time I was 21 I was so sick of the bar scene, I decided to quit smoking, using drugs, drinking, and got a boyfriend. We lived together for 2 years, at the end of which I got pregnant. I decided to keep the baby and gave birth to my sweet daughter (who is now 26). She was the best thing that happened to me. I took parenting seriously, even though I was a single Mom on welfare.

I got into the 'New Age' movement as I was searching for more meaning in life. I was disgusted by what I heard about religion as it seemed to me just a way to control the masses through fear and guilt. One day when my daughter was about 11 months old, I was sitting on my bed by myself and asked Christ to be Lord of my life. One of the new age teachers I listened to on tape said something that prompted me to do this. At that moment, something supernatural happened to me. I knew something had changed in me, and from that moment on I began to pray out loud everyday and change...inside! I had never been to church and didn't even see the connection. All I knew was I wanted to be like Jesus. I began to feel a love and joy that I had never felt before. I didn't really know what had happened at the time. Many years later I realized this was a 'salvation experience' and that Jesus will meet us anywhere we are at.

My first daughter was 3 years old when I sold my only possession (which was my car), for 1/2 the down payment on some land (5 acres) with a well. My mom and I had reconnected (she was single now), and we wanted to build our own places. So that is what we did. We lived in a tent, got library books on building, and started our first building which I now live in today. Five years later I had my second daughter (different boyfriend). My second beautiful daughter was born in this house (more like a cabin), she is 20 now. My daughters are, and have been, an incredible blessing in my life.

It wasn't until 7 years after my experience with Jesus, that I stepped foot into a church building. I decided to take my two girls to a local church one day. No one invited me. When I walked in the doors I began to cry as I felt as if I had come home. Someone gave me a NIV bible, and I began to devour the words. It was as if they jumped off the pages into my heart. For the first time I had some guidelines to live by. I understood that these were not 'rules' to be forced on me to follow, but loving guidance to help me live life to the fullest. The religious words that I had so despised, in an instant, I began to understand a deeper meaning. I loved the music and as the words of the songs sunk into my heart, I began to have more faith, joy and love than I ever knew were possible. I kept hearing Jesus say, "It's time for the body of Christ to come together."

I did marry again in 1995. I met him at church. I thought if I married a Christian that everything would work out, and we could overcome any obstacle in our marriage. We had the dream wedding, but about a month after we were married he turned away from God, and became emotionally abusive, and sometimes physically. He did turn back to God, only to slide back again and again. We went through years of counseling but separated in 2000 after the hardest 5 years of my life. Something in my body changed during that time. I began to have panic attacks and the stress of feeling like I was always 'walking on egg shells' began to take its toll on me, emotionally and physically. I started taking anti-depressants so I could cope with life. They did help a lot at first. We got back together for a few months after he had had more counseling, but he began the same things again, so I told God I would rather stay single the rest of my life, and save my children, than stay married to him. So I divorced him, and we began the slow process of healing. I continued to take the anti-depressants for 6 years, but after a while they seemed not to work as well.

I had never had a full time job in my life at this point, but in 2000 when I first separated from my ex-husband, I got a job at a bank as file assistant for the accounting department. God blessed me with incredible favor and knowledge. In six years I was promoted 4 times and by the time the bank was bought out, I was 'Assistant Vice President and Finance Officer' at the bank. I had no college degree; in fact I had dropped out of high school in the 10th grade and only had a GED. But God gave me incredible knowledge and favor. If I didn't know how to do something, I would pray and ask God to show me, and in a few minutes I would get an idea and figure it out. I was in charge of moving millions of dollars of the banks money, everyday between investment accounts. I really gained confidence in God and in myself during this time. When the bank was sold, our department was going away, but we all got large stock options paid out, and I was offered 9 months severance pay, if I would stay on long enough to help the new bank convert their systems. They used a software that I had become very good at using. In fact on my last day, I received a job offer as a Controller and Office manger for the software company that the bank used. I still work there today.

The stock options allowed me to buy a nice home and take a trip to Paris with my youngest daughter. My oldest daughter was in college by then. The only negative thing during this period was fighting depression and anxiety. The anti-depressants made it possible for me to keep going to work everyday, but as they began to not work as well, it was very hard to get up and go to work. The drive to work was a battle and I sometimes would think of driving my car under a semi truck just to get out of it (once I would get to work I would be fine). This scared me, so I went to get some counseling. I discovered RTF (Restoring the Foundations) again, and went through an Issue Focused Ministry session that helped me immensely. I went off anti-depressants, and began to eat healthier. I still struggled off and on, but not like before.

Both my daughters are very smart, they love God, and they both graduated from high school early. My oldest daughter went to Oral Roberts University in Tulsa, OK when she was just 17, after a year at a community college. She had wanted to become a teacher ever since she was in 3rd grade, so that is exactly what she did. She was married two days after she graduated from college to a boy who also had graduated early and whom she had met when she was 15 in drivers Ed class.

She taught in a public school in Tulsa for 5 years, has two sons, and now is a stay at home mom living in Little Rock, AR. Her husband went on to get his masters degree and is now a Lead over an Apple store in AR. My youngest daughter went to two years of college, but then decided to work for a while until she figures out what she really wants to do. She lives on her own in a nice apartment in Kirkland, WA and works at a Christian collage as an office assistant.

I have been single now for 11 years. I am used to it now, but it was very difficult when my youngest daughter moved out and I didn't know what to do with my life. I really am not the 'career woman' type and so after working two jobs for about 4 years, I quit one of my jobs, sold my house, and moved back to the little cabin I had built. My mother still lives on the property, but in her own house that she built many years ago. I had rented this cabin out for almost 15 years, so it was pretty run down. I started coming down on weekends and remodeling it. I put in new hardwood floors, cabinets etc. I have been back here almost 2 years now (April 15th), and love it out here in the woods.

My life is slow now, and I work mostly from home. I have two miniature schnauzers that I adore. The last two years has really been a healing time for me and a time to get closer to God. I have gone through more RTF sessions and some training to help others. I rarely feel depressed anymore. It is also good to be close to my Mom, who is now 77. She has hardly been sick a day in her life, and is still very active.

God keeps telling me to 'rest in His presence' so that is what I have endeavored to do since I moved back here. I know He is preparing me for something good. As I get more of a vision for the future, I get excited about it. I am excited to see His kingdom manifest on earth, as even with all the 'bad stuff' going on in the world, I know that there is more good. I know that Jesus wins the battle and faith, hope and love remain.

For more information on RTF (Restoring the Foundations) visit rtfi.org or restoringyourlife.org